the lump in my throat …

… is about the size of a bowling ball. my face is red and puffy, my head is pounding and i’ve been crying on and off for more than three hours. the boys started school today.

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they did great at first—exploring the room, meeting new friends (they shuffled the students a bit, so they have two little boys and a little girl in their room), clapping and smiling. then daddy had to leave and mommy had to fill out some paperwork. while i was scribbling in answers to questions (times two), i got updates that alex and max were happily washing their hands and getting ready for a snack. great!

and then the crying started. i could hear them from down the hall. it wasn’t pain crying, it was tired and confused crying. i went to them. big mistake. for all of us. i ended up leaving almost an hour later—all of us still crying. it was the hardest thing i’ve done as a parent so far.

after trying to collect myself in the car, i drove over to get some starbucks. we are regulars there so of course i got, where are the boys? answered with daycare. and more crying.

then i went to find them a lunch box. three strangers asked if i was ok. three.

then off to kroger, again where we are regulars. where are the boys? more crying.

i called about half an hour ago and they said the boys are happy again. i sure hope so. i cannot wait until i go pick them up—in four hours.

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