the lump in my throat …

… is about the size of a bowling ball. my face is red and puffy, my head is pounding and i’ve been crying on and off for more than three hours. the boys started school today.


they did great at first—exploring the room, meeting new friends (they shuffled the students a bit, so they have two little boys and a little girl in their room), clapping and smiling. then daddy had to leave and mommy had to fill out some paperwork. while i was scribbling in answers to questions (times two), i got updates that alex and max were happily washing their hands and getting ready for a snack. great!

and then the crying started. i could hear them from down the hall. it wasn’t pain crying, it was tired and confused crying. i went to them. big mistake. for all of us. i ended up leaving almost an hour later—all of us still crying. it was the hardest thing i’ve done as a parent so far.

after trying to collect myself in the car, i drove over to get some starbucks. we are regulars there so of course i got, where are the boys? answered with daycare. and more crying.

then i went to find them a lunch box. three strangers asked if i was ok. three.

then off to kroger, again where we are regulars. where are the boys? more crying.

i called about half an hour ago and they said the boys are happy again. i sure hope so. i cannot wait until i go pick them up—in four hours.


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